My proposal took place behind a ticket window
“Will you marry me?”
A handsome young man gets on his knees on a beach towel, pulls his girlfriend close to his side and points to the sky. Overhead, a plane tows a banner asking her the Big question.
A contestant on a talent show is waiting to hear the judges’ comments when her boyfriend walks out, gets on his knees and opens a tiny box displaying a sparkling diamond.
A sky diver pops the question while freefalling to the earth with his girlfriend.
Meanwhile, lurking off to the side is a friend waiting to record the entire marriage proposal…
HUMOR
One crunch at a time
It appears the Grape-Nuts Shortage is over.
For those of you who do not appreciate the crunchy quality of a good Grape Nut to awaken your taste buds each morning, you probably aren’t even aware there was a shortage.
Unlike when the shelves were void of toilet paper, altering our commode behavior and wiping us out in search of those precious squares.
But there was.
For months I searched the cereal aisles of the various markets at which I shop.
November- No Grape Nuts. Flakes, yes, but not the original nut. December- None.
2020 departed, thankfully.
2021 brought the vaccine…
Humor
Or maybe there is just too much rattling around inside my brain
I woke up this morning with the full intention of writing a well rounded piece. You know, where there is grabber beginning, a meaty middle and and one of these “yes!” endings.
But when I got to my computer I was bombarded with so many ideas and none of them seemed to stick.
My daughter’s drug recovery would make a great, uplifting story.
The adoption of my youngest grandchild would be heart-wrenching.
Or I could write something fluffy — a piece about emojis. Or how my breath smells inside my mask. …
Is it possible?
Jumping out of an airplane. Running with the bulls. Skiing down a black diamond run. Bungee jumping. Riding a roller coaster.
For some people, the above could be on their bucket list. For me, they are terrifying activities. I have sworn to never, ever have my name appear in the same sentence as one of the above said life’s challenges. And up until last year, pre-Covid, I have been true to my “non-participation” declaration.
But there I was at Disneyland, The Happiest Place of Earth, facing one of my fears: riding a roller coaster. …
HUMOR
Covid kisses and other revelations from the past 365 days
What a difference a year makes.
I’m not sure how I feel.
The distance between us is closing.
It feels strange and a bit surreal.
I was getting used to the quiet.
The Zoom calls in PJs.
I’m not sure I’m ready yet,
To revisit my old ways.
I like not rushing to and fro.
Traffic is low on my list.
And I’ve gotten used to catching,
Your kiss inside my fist.
Once this mask is lifted,
And our smiles are on display.
I’ll have to get that space fixed.
Where I lost a tooth today.
I’ll have to put…
HUMOR
One day this will all be a memory — or will it?
Last year, my word was Covid. It was new to our language and could be used in numerous ways: verb, noun, adjective, adverb.
Although 2021 has just begun, I already have my more word for this year: CONE
More specifically that of orange in color.
As I walked my dog yesterday through the college behind my house, there were orange cones as far as I could see. On and on and on.
Orange cones up and down the parking lot, forming a pathway for cars. …
HUMOR
And other fun bathing revelations
“Why does he keep touching himself?”
My nine-year-old granddaughter asked me that question while we were bathing her six-month-old brother.
“He’s going to scratch himself.” Her eyes grew big with worry.
“That’s just what babies do,” I reassured her. Then added, “And big boys and men and for that matter, pretty much all male species with hands. They’re always touching themselves.”
“They are?” she asked. “Why?”
“Oh, I guess to make sure it’s still there.”
Now her eyes were really big.
Lest I plant the wrong picture in her impressionable mind, I clarified myself. “No, it’s not going to fall…
The mistakes we make when desperate for love
Have you ever been in the wrong place at the right time? Experienced a moment which changed your life for the best, although you didn’t know until it was over?
I have.
It was the seventies. The decade of tie-dye clothes, disco dancing, big hair and swinging. It was my decade of wanting so badly to be loved, to find a husband, to start a family that I was willing to say yes to anything.
So when Bryce, a co-worker I had a huge crush on, asked me if I wanted to go to a swinger’s party, I said sure…
HUMOR
When eavesdropping is not an option
I’m sitting in a coffee shop eavesdropping on the couple next to me. She has long, blonde hair, a thick British accent and long fingernails that she taps on the table in rhythm with her demands. He’s nodding, beads of sweat developing on his bald head.
I’m at the mall shoving blouses to the left on a tightly packed rack, searching for an x-small, listening to the mother and daughter behind me. The girl says everyone needs a functional black dress. …
I need a makeover!
Janie Emaus
Janie Emaus is an author/blogger. ON SALE NOW! Latkes for Santa Claus. https://www.amazon.com/Latkes-Santa-Claus-Janie-Emaus/dp/1510759883/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?
