HUMOR

How I fell under the spell of a modern day swindler

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Once again, I fell for that old age promise of “This cream will perform a miracle on your face.”

For whatever reason, maybe the heat, maybe the constant repetition of my ninety-six-year old mom, or the never-ending chatter of my ten-year-old grandson, when a modern version of a snake oil salesmen approached me at the mall, I paused to listen.

He waved a bag in my face, proclaiming it held my future. And before I knew what was happening, I followed him and his absurd claims into the shop.

Given the technologies and information of today, I should have known…


HUMOR

Do you need them to succeed?

Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash

Lest you be confused, I am referring to the balls which are part of the male anatomy.

It appears that having a set of them qualifies one for a position of leadership. Throughout the ages, they’ve come to symbolize power, authority, decision making and a multitude of other achievements.

For instance, a gutsy move may illicit this saying: God, he must have balls of steel.

Act wimpy and you may hear: Oh, grow a set of balls, will you?

And when a woman in a powerful position rises to the head of a company, makes a name for herself, we…


This could work for you, too!

Photo by Tania Medina on Unsplash

Forecast for Taurus: Don’t try anything new today. What you need is in your backyard. Look inward and move forward.

Most horoscopes are like the one above. They contain double entendres leaving the reader to interpret them however they wish.

The one above could mean I needed to search my soul. Or it could simply mean I need to swim fifty laps or weed the garden.

When I was younger, I placed my heart and soul into my daily forecast. As do a lot of teenagers. During adolescence, we are always searching for meaning. Why did Joey ask Lila to…


And soared past it, for a moment in time. You can too!

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When I started writing for Medium in June of 2019, my goal was to earn $100.00 per month.

I tried several tactics. I posted once a week. I posted everyday. I posted twice a month. I wrote fast and hit publish. I edited profusely. I typed with my eyes closed.

I wrote humorous pieces.

Silly poems.

Heartfelt essays.

I garnered claps, was curated, further distributed, and ignored.

I wrote for publications. I wrote for myself. Sometimes it was apparent, I wrote for no one!

And then it happened. I did nothing special. This piece was viewed over 11K times.

In…


HUMOR

Was I hot? You bet!

Photo by Andisheh A on Unsplash

In one of my previous lives, I used to work in the adult video industry.

Contrary to playground gossip which my daughter was eager to spread among her friends, I was not in front of the camera. But rather, I used my creative energy to produce boner-inducing ad copy and well balanced financial statements.

I have to admit, it was one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. The perks were many. The opportunity to watch porn whenever my husband and I wanted, or needed. A multitude of sex toys always at our disposal. And the pleasure of attending several Adult Video Award ceremonies.

These events led to our hosting a yearly Halloween Event: The…


HUMOR

At warped speed!

Photo by C.Valdez on Unsplash

We made it through Blursday,
Not sure of the time.
We watched a lot of Netflix,
And sipped a lot of wine.

We cleaned a lot of closets,
Dusted, scrubbed and mopped.
Or simply watched the curser,
And shopped, shopped, shopped.

We drove through parking lots,
Followed the orange cones.
We were stuck on a channel
Inside the Twilight Zone.

Our faces got all itchy,
Behind a personal mask.
As we kept our distance,
And went about our task.

We were in it together,
The remote glued in place.
But we finally made it through.
We are the human race.


And why I can now forgive her

Photo by Chris Briggs on Unsplash

My best friend’s passing will always be associated with my daughter’s last psychotic breakdown.

There was a deep connection between my best friend and my daughter. They loved each other, yet there existed a gossamer thread of jealousy. Maybe it was because my friend didn’t have any children and could not relate when I dropped whatever I was doing if my daughter needed me. Maybe it was because my daughter yearned for a friendship similar to the one I shared with my friend.

But whatever the reason, I would often find myself balancing the two relationships.

It should have come…


Sunrise Photo by Janie Emaus

A place to relax, rewind, reflect & rejoice


HUMOR

But not without my sense of humor

Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

Several weeks ago, a Russian hacker got into my Facebook account and assumed my identity. Why he/she/they or anyone for that matter would want to be me is beyond my comprehension.

I’m a white-haired grandmother living with my ninety-six-year old mother, my handicapped husband and my eighteen-year-old granddaughter.

My mother forgets what I’m saying before I finish my sentence, if she even hears me.

My granddaughter is brilliant at everything. She’s even performing science experiments with cups of coffee by lining them on her desk and seeing how long until the liquid becomes a solid.

My husband bought a day-glow…

Janie Emaus

Janie Emaus is an author/blogger. ON SALE NOW! Latkes for Santa Claus. https://www.amazon.com/Latkes-Santa-Claus-Janie-Emaus/dp/1510759883/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?

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