HUMOR

And other fun bathing revelations

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Photo by Heiko Giesberg on Unsplash

“Why does he keep touching himself?”

My nine-year-old granddaughter asked me that question while we were bathing her six-month-old brother.

“He’s going to scratch himself.” Her eyes grew big with worry.

“That’s just what babies do,” I reassured her. Then added, “And big boys and men and for that matter, pretty much all male species with hands. They’re always touching themselves.”

“They are?” she asked. “Why?”

“Oh, I guess to make sure it’s still there.”

Now her eyes were really big.

Lest I plant the wrong picture in her impressionable mind, I clarified myself. “No, it’s not going to fall…


The mistakes we make when desperate for love

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Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

Have you ever been in the wrong place at the right time? Experienced a moment which changed your life for the best, although you didn’t know until it was over?

I have.

It was the seventies. The decade of tie-dye clothes, disco dancing, big hair and swinging. It was my decade of wanting so badly to be loved, to find a husband, to start a family that I was willing to say yes to anything.

So when Bryce, a co-worker I had a huge crush on, asked me if I wanted to go to a swinger’s party, I said sure…


HUMOR

When eavesdropping is not an option

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Photo by kenny on Unsplash

I’m sitting in a coffee shop eavesdropping on the couple next to me. She has long, blonde hair, a thick British accent and long fingernails that she taps on the table in rhythm with her demands. He’s nodding, beads of sweat developing on his bald head.

I’m at the mall shoving blouses to the left on a tightly packed rack, searching for an x-small, listening to the mother and daughter behind me. The girl says everyone needs a functional black dress. …


From one generation to the next

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Photo by Federico Giampieri on Unsplash

When I was a preteen (a tween in today’s speak) I used to stretch out on my back, stare at the ceiling and try to fall asleep. But the pains running up my leg, would make it impossible.

“You’re having growing pains,” my mom would say as she massaged my muscles. Finally, I would drift off into dreams where I wasn’t the shortest person in the room or the last one picked to play on a basketball team.

I didn’t feel any taller the next day or the day after or the day after that. …


Since joining Medium in 2019

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Photo by Glen Rushton on Unsplash

My top earning story is What I learned Loving My Husband’s Best Friend.

This story has 3K views and has earned $86.36

Next is The Other Female In Our Bed with 1.7 views, which has earned $65.24

And Eight Hours rounds out my top 3 with 1.5 views to date and earnings of $30.50

My take away from this review is that all three stories were curated, back when curation was a thing. But more importantly, they all dealt with relationships and the human condition.

Still, I love write humorous pieces and will continue to…


HUMOR

My daily journal

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Photo by Leo Wieling on Unsplash

A glance at my daily journal before and during Covid. I plan on going back in time as soon as possible.

Before the Coronavirus — BC

6:30 am — It’s Monday. I wake up, look at the clock. I have a half-hour to get dressed and start my Gruber job. I set out breakfast for my husband and walk into the chilly morning to get my grandchildren.

During Coronavirus — DC

6:30 am — What day is it? I roll back over and cover my head with the blanket.

BC

7:45 am — I’m Grubering. I drop my grandson off…


The Only Word For 2020

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Photo by Surendran MP on Unsplash

It’s time again,
To choose a word.
Something familiar,
Or one newly heard.

For 2020,
I’m just not sure,
March to December,
Was quite a BLUR.

Our new attire,
Includes a MASK.
Using HAND SANITIZER,
Is an hourly task.

We SOCIAL DISTANCE,
Apart SIX FEET,
And we ELBOW BUMP,
The friends we greet.

There is INSANE,
And her cousin CRAZY.
While in QUARANTINE,
The days grew HAZY.

An ANXIOUS CALM,
An ELECTION spin.
A brand new CRAFT
,Those words could win.

CORONA’s up front,
Taking the race.
Often PANDEMIC,
Steps into her place.

Then there…


HUMOR

Compliments of 2020

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Photo by Fábio Hanashiro on Unsplash

’Tis the season of lists. Top ten books, favorite movies, best essays, photographs, restaurants, and so on. But 2020 was anything but normal thus I present a new list of Best topics. Feel free to provide me with your answers.

1.The best homemade hand sanitizer.

2. The best bleach for curing Covid.

3. The best Covid Conspiracy.

4. The best handmade mask.

5. The best off-rhythm generational TikTok dance performance.

6. The best tone-deaf generational TikTok song.

7. The top ten foods to consume while binge-watching Tiger King.

8. The best elbow bump.

9. The best bathroom scene witnessed on…


Confusing and hard to understand

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Photo by Marija Zaric on Unsplash

According to Forrest Gump’s momma, “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

A famous song from the 1930s suggested that “Life is just a bowl of cherries.” Which prompted the beloved Erma Bombeck to question why she was in the pits?

Well, I’d like to add two cents to these observations by saying: Life is like a text message. You can never really understand its meaning.

How many times have you a received a text, only to ponder over what the sender meant?

And I’m not just referring to the acronyms, although those…

Janie Emaus

Janie Emaus is an author/blogger. ON SALE NOW! Latkes for Santa Claus. https://www.amazon.com/Latkes-Santa-Claus-Janie-Emaus/dp/1510759883/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?

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